I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
