Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
PANTIES FOUND
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