She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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