I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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