I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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