How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
