Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
