Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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