and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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