Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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