kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
