Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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