I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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