I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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