a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
