Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
