do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
