sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
