the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
