at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
