I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
