I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
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Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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