He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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