would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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