either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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