xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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