you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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