What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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