I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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