Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
