I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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