omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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