I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
