I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
