it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
