im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
