If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
