I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
