just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
