And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
