That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
