I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
