Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
