The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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