I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
