Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
