i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Randomize
