No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
