So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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