Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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