Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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