I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize