tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
