I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
