Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
