Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
