Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The power of my boobs compel you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
