Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
