Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
