I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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