Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
