I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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