I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
