I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
