Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
